faking orgasms so my husband feels like a man.
i have been faking orgasms with my husband for the last 10 years...
omg! he thinks we have a great sex life! i am a big fat liar! every
time i say i am going to stop, i end up doing it again. he has
premature ejaculations and after r
trying to talk to him about it once, he got so upset- i felt so guilty!
it took a long time for him to get over it and at first the faking
started almost as a way to say i was sorry, but now he thinks he is a
good lover and he is not even close! i love him, but what do i do? i
cant just keep this up... only cumming when i am alone. please help me!
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I am not a porn star.
So, my husband's birthday is coming up and I have promised to allow him
any sexual fantasy he would like...well almost any. I have some
stipulations for that. One, I don't like cum in my mouth, I just don't.
Two, I am not going to have anal sex. My husband really wants to video
tape us having sex. My problem with this is that I don't want to ever
have this come back to haunt me. You know, my kids accidentally come
across the tape or it is lost and found on the street somewhere. I
would be mortified. I mean sex acts on tape always seem to degrade
women, not men. So this is my problem now. I don't want to be taped
having sex. I guess that's why I am not a porn star!
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feeling turn on from a man who's not my partner.
i feel so turned on. i want to fuck this man like no body's business. i sat on his lap today, rubbed his chest, and lovingly looked into his eyes, grabbed his face, turned it towards mine and asked the question, 'how can i make you happy?' oh, the turn on.
i don't even know what to do with all this energy at this moment. i need to be fucked side ways to move this stuff through me. i am engaged...yes, to be married. the man i describe is not my fiance. that's not the hardest part...it's whether or not i tell this other man what's going on in my body. do i? would that freak him out?
my fiance and i have an arrangement where we want each other to have every desire possible...he (my fiance) said to me today as i drove back from rehearsal with this other man, 'just make sure you take precautions' i was shocked and totally understood what he was telling me. [don't get a disease if you decide to move forward with this.]
my eyes are glazed over. i feel exhausted and i haven't done anything. i think that's the problem. my acting partner, we'll call him sex pot from this point forward...sex pot texted me today with some gobbledygook about the scene we're doing...the turn on skyrocketed in my body. i started writing erotic poetry and dirty songs about what he could do to me and what i was willing to accept from him. i wrote him back...i couldn't think of what to write. 'i want to fuck you. lets meet tomorrow at 11am.' or 'you are so hot.' or something along those lines. instead, i wrote, ' i really am glad we're working on this scene together.' dork points. geez.
how do i get this energy to pass through me? i could fuck my fiance and bring this turn on back into our relationship you might say, right? wrong. i am away from home and won't see my fiance for another 6 days. meanwhile. i will see sex pot tomorrow and the next day and the next day. my back is perspiring as i type. yes.
i am so grateful and a bit confused. grateful for the turn on. i love it! it's like a wild adventure all to myself. and i am confused because i question whether to do something about this. do i tell sex pot when i see him tomorrow, 'i want to fuck you?' do i have to ask him if he has any diseases? kind of takes the passion out of it. but i am not trying to get anything. maybe what i am trying to do is see how far i can push it...hmmm, do i really want to have sex with sex pot? YES. will i? don't think so. maybe a kiss or maybe some real heavy groping. wow.
okay. i can see a little bit better now. my eyes aren't as glazed over as they were two paragraphs before. writing really is a necessary and important thing for me. for passing energy through and for moving forward.
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i know i am a lesbiani don't know if this should go under sex or relationship, but...
i am a lesbian.
this is what i keep coming back to but i will not let myself admit this to myself.
i have a boyfriend that i love. we've been together the last 2 years. we have problems having sex. i like him. i like bing with him. he provides me with money, security and kindness, but i don't want that. i want to be at the big dike parades and i want to be seducing women. i've had two experiences with women and both times, the passion that flared up in my body was unspeakable. unlike anything i've ever felt with a man. i want that passion. my body burns for that passion again.
when i have sex with my boyfriend, i feel like it's nice. there are moments of passion, but the flame isn't really anything more than a flicker. i want a full on fire. and i've only ever experienced that with women.
i know this piece about me, but i feel so locked in what my family would say, my friends would say, and i still even believe in what society would say. we have the L word and ellen degeneres is gay, but why does it feel like it's okay for other people, but not for me? my heart hurts when i say these words because there's nothing more that i want, than to live as me and i am really scared, because i don't know if it will happen in my lifetime. i don't know if i'll ever be braved enough to embrace this lifestyle. i am jealous of people who have it.
i want to be dancing in lesbian clubs and meeting women and playing with them.
i am afraid i will never be able to be happy because i'll always be living a lie.
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it's been four months this week it's been four months this week and i am beginning to forget what it
feels like. celibacy seems more familiar than intimacy-this is not how
it's supposed to be right now! i could swear this is supposed to be my
sexual peak, and i'm missing out!
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